WendyMcElroy.com

A Genius¹ of my magnitude
Can have a sublime attitude
So when Heartland invites me to speak at their annual feed,
I'm asking myself can this be an exposure I need

I'm reviewing the situation
Should I go and take part in their wee debate?
There will be some remuneration
And a chance to insult people that I hate
Their ignorance I will attack
With plenty of consensus facts
Then someone will get equal time
With facts that sound as good as mine
That Taylor² is a scheming cad
He'll rig it so that I look bad
I think I'd better think it out again!

Their welcome, it's now plain to see
Was designed to bring shame to me
For this insult to my dignity they must be made to pay
But I must undermine them in the most effective way

I'm reviewing the situation
I will see what secrets I can quickly phish
With a simple impersonation
Hidden memos I will get their staff to dish
A gmail from a man of fame
Will bring me budgets, plans, and names
'Til man of fame shows up to chat
And says that he sent none of that
The emails they will trace to me
My hoax will bring disgrace to me
I think I'd better think it out again!

So what's in these files, anyway?
Boring details, anyway.
There's no oil-funded smoking gun pointing to conspiracy,
For this leak to be sexy, the sexing will be up to me.

I'm reviewing the situation
What inventions will my audience absorb?
Anti-science indoctrination!
And they want to keep my writing out of Forbes³
With commas and parentheses⁴
I'll add my crafty syntheses
Their fiendish plan I will spell out
So there cannot be any doubt
'Til Megan⁵ calls it comic-book
And Mosher⁶ takes a careful look
I think I'd better think it out again!

How quickly they suspected me
Nothing has protected me
All my collegaues have offered to publish my earnest denial,
But a pretense like that can be only maintained a short while

I'm reviewing the situation
Dare I try to stall or should I now come clean?
Noble martyr, for our salvation
Or a victim of a dirty sneaking scheme?
The lawyers I must now call in
And someone to control the spin⁷
Do I reveal the whole of it
Or just hang out a little bit
From N C S E I'll resign⁸
Curricula I won't design
My ethics gig⁹ I'll surely lose
And what if Heartland goes and sues?
I think I'd better think it out again!


Notes
1. Gleick is a recipient of the MacArthur Foundation "Genius" award.
2. James Taylor, a fellow of the Heartland Institute, writes a column for Forbes.
3. Gleick also writes for Forbes, often in opposition to Taylor, and yes, this claim was in the faked memo.
4. Gleick's idiosyncratic use of commas and parentheses was one of the clues that pointed to him as the likely author of the faked memo.
5. Megan McArdle, who referred to the writing in the memo as that of a comic-book villain.
6. Steven Mosher, the first to suggest Gleick as a likely author, based on analysis of writing style.
7. Gleick has retained Chris Lehane, "a top Democratic operative and crisis manager," and high-powered lawyer John Keker, who may be remembered as the man who defended Enron's CFO.
8. Gleick resigned from the board of directors of The National Center for Science Education, where he was to advise on a climate change curriculum for schools.
9. Gleick resigned from his position as Chairman of the American Geophysical Union Task Force on Scientific Ethics.