News Item: Baltasar Gracian's Aphorism #148: Have the Art of Conversation.
(Category: Gracian)
Posted by Wendy McElroy
Saturday 09 September 2023 - 22:54:20
Baltasar Gracian's Aphorism #148: Have the Art of Conversation.
That is where the real personality shows itself. No act in life requires more attention, though it be the commonest thing in life. You must either lose or gain by it. If it needs care to write a letter which is but a deliberate and written conversation, how much more the ordinary kind in which there is occasion for a prompt display of intelligence? Experts feel the pulse of the soul in the tongue, wherefore the sage said, "Speak, that I may know thee." Some hold that the art of conversation is to be without art--that it should be neat, not gaudy, like the garments. This holds good for talk between friends. But when held with persons to whom one would show respect, it should be more dignified to answer to the dignity of the person addressed. To be appropriate, it should adapt itself to the mind and tone of the interlocutor. And do not be a critic or censor of words, or you will be taken for a pedant. Discretion is more important than eloquence.
My interpretation: conversation truly is a skill and an art. Most people just open their lips and logorrhea ensues--diarrhea of the mouth. I don't say this to be mean or to show contempt for people in general; it is simply true. For those who are interested in becoming more skilled at conversation, here are some of the insights that have helped me...
There are many more 'tips' on being a good conversationalist but simply having this goal at the front of your mind when talking to people will go a long way to achieving this goal.
This news item is from WendyMcElroy.com
( http://www.wendymcelroy.com/news.php?extend.13427 )
(Category: Gracian)
Posted by Wendy McElroy
Saturday 09 September 2023 - 22:54:20
Baltasar Gracian's Aphorism #148: Have the Art of Conversation.
That is where the real personality shows itself. No act in life requires more attention, though it be the commonest thing in life. You must either lose or gain by it. If it needs care to write a letter which is but a deliberate and written conversation, how much more the ordinary kind in which there is occasion for a prompt display of intelligence? Experts feel the pulse of the soul in the tongue, wherefore the sage said, "Speak, that I may know thee." Some hold that the art of conversation is to be without art--that it should be neat, not gaudy, like the garments. This holds good for talk between friends. But when held with persons to whom one would show respect, it should be more dignified to answer to the dignity of the person addressed. To be appropriate, it should adapt itself to the mind and tone of the interlocutor. And do not be a critic or censor of words, or you will be taken for a pedant. Discretion is more important than eloquence.
My interpretation: conversation truly is a skill and an art. Most people just open their lips and logorrhea ensues--diarrhea of the mouth. I don't say this to be mean or to show contempt for people in general; it is simply true. For those who are interested in becoming more skilled at conversation, here are some of the insights that have helped me...
- Don't dwell on small or unpleasant matters, like what you ate for lunch or how irritating a tiff with your spouse was last night. Instead, dwell on ideas, the news or something else with weight to it. And extra points for making it something of possible interest to your listener.
Don't monopolize the conversation or talk only about yourself. Ask questions of the other person.
Don't use conversation as a way to vent emotions. To many people, conversation consists almost entirely of what they feel, however trivial the feeling may be. At times, airing emotions is appropriate and necessary but it should not be the bedrock of discourse. The bedrock should be information.
Have a supply of 'good' gossip. Who is having a baby, who has a new job, what business is moving to another city, marriages and even deaths...these facts are the 'good' emotional currency of a community--'good' because it keeps people in touch with each other.
Eschew 'bad' gossip. Who has a drug problem, who is cheating on a spouse, how much people make in salary...these facts invade privacy and are none of your business. Trafficking in such info stains your reputation.
Do not be disrespectful. If you must insult the other person to continue the exchange with self-respect, then the exchange should cease because it has turned toxic. Excuse yourself ASAP.
Include everyone present in the conversation, if only by making eye contact and addressing comments their way. If others wish to sit and listen, respect this...but include them in other ways.
There are many more 'tips' on being a good conversationalist but simply having this goal at the front of your mind when talking to people will go a long way to achieving this goal.
This news item is from WendyMcElroy.com
( http://www.wendymcelroy.com/news.php?extend.13427 )